041: Learning Out Loud: A Story of Missteps, Repair, and Growth

In the first season of the SELinEDU podcast, we had the great pleasure of interviewing Jodi Friedman. As an assistant principal and equity leader, Jodi’s work as an anti-racist leader includes co-creating the Culturally Responsive-Sustaining Facilitator’s Guide. Our conversation focused on caring for those around us and growing our cultural competency, especially in anti-racism work.

When the episode aired, I posted a promo on Twitter. Jodi shared the post and commented on how much she enjoyed our conversation. I responded, excited and grateful for the opportunity, and included an image of Kid President with text about learning.

Then came an unexpected, but necessary, learning moment.

Phase One: The Emotions

I learned about the concept of Digital Blackface a few years ago and actively avoid using memes or images that reinforce stereotypes, but I missed the mark here.

Jodi sent a thoughtful and respectful email expressing her discomfort with the image I had posted. I didn’t even finish reading the message before deleting the tweet.

My first reaction was shame and embarrassment.
I should have known better. 

That quickly turned to sorrow; I never want someone to feel uncomfortable because of my actions. 

I also felt deep gratitude. Jodi took the time to reach out, help me learn, and care enough to say something. 

That is a gift.

Phase Two: The Response

What struck me most was that Jodi didn’t just email and move on; she invited a conversation. We got on a call, and I was able to apologize, not to defend my intent but to take full responsibility for the impact.

Intent matters, but it doesn’t erase impact.
I never want to dismiss someone’s lived experience by centering my “good” intentions.

Jodi and I also talked about how these moments don’t always unfold this way. 

Sometimes, people are too hurt to offer a gentle email or private message.
They walk away, or they speak up publicly. And that’s okay.

In our podcast conversation, Jodi shared something powerful:

“I had to learn that feedback is a gift—and especially for me, with the privilege I carry, I can’t put up walls or rules about how I receive it.”

We don’t always get to choose the form feedback takes.
But we always get to choose how we respond. 

I reminded myself of my core values: Learning and Courage.
This moment was a chance to live into both.

Phase Three: The Next Step

Maya Angelou once said, “When you know better, do better.” That’s what I aim to do.

I shared this story with a high school SEL Core Team I worked with. One teacher admitted they had never heard of Digital Blackface. Another reflected on a meme project they had assigned to students. We talked about how memes can both connect and harm. We also discussed how the project could become an opportunity to critically explore stereotypes, rather than scrap it altogether.

If you want to learn more about Digital Blackface, I recommend this Anti-Racism Daily (ARD) newsletter post. I’ve been reading it for over two years, and it continues to deepen my understanding and practice.

Always Learning, Always Sharing

I’ve had friends say, “I want to engage in anti-racism work, but I’m too afraid of messing up.”
I get it.
I don’t want to make mistakes either.

But mistakes are part of learning.
And growth only happens when we stay open to discomfort.

I also recognize the privileges I carry that allow me to step in and out of this work.

Many of my friends, family, and colleagues don’t have that option. Their lived experiences around race, gender, language, religion, or ability aren’t something they can pause or step away from.

So I choose to keep learning.
To stay in the work.
To share what I’m learning publicly…not because I’ve figured it out, but because I believe that vulnerability and reflection are the soil where understanding grows.

If this reflection offers you something – an invitation to learn, shift, reconsider, and step up – I hope you’ll take it.